at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
