I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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