I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
