i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
