yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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