On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
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You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
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crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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