now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
