this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
