Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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