I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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