I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
