Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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