not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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