I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
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just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
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doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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