since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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