i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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