I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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