I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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