remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
