I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
