Sry I called you an 8
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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