dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
