i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
