May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
