You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
