OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Me. At least after what I've been through.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
40s are totally the cure
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
