craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
