It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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