Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
