why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
