Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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