mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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