There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
