it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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