white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
