nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
