apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
