So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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