where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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