hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
