he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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