Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Who wears a wallet chain?!
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
