dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
