We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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