Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize