I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
A bitchslap is in order.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
