I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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