my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
