I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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