just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
