New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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