Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
