You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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