There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You ruined the universe
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
