No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I cockslap morals
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
