Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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