Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
