Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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