And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
well you can't waste a boner
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
