You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
