I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We are two peas in an std pod
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
