i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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