it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
