Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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