I'd wear matching sweaters with you
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
