Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
