Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
