it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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