good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
